farters have to be the big spoon...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize