I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
