You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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