You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
