i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
