Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
