I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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