he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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