I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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