Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I just sharted jello shots
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
