Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
