Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
