There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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