my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.