I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
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I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...