A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.