Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed