You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
