So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
