I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
