I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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