oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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