yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
