I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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