The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize