I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
