Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
