Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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