My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize