Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
