It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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