You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
