I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
