First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
