And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
