sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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