Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
