You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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