Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
