omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're too hungover to prance.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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