i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
