Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
