Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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