I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
