We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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