I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
