I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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