I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
