I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
