Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
