I just saw a hot homeless man
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
