Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
