I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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