I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we made out on top of his cat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
