I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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