I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
