The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
