I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
