OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
