i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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